Ask For Help When You Need It

It can be very difficult to say, I need help, and admit it to yourself or to others. I lived in that shadowy place between dreamland and the impossible, and yet I hoped my dreams would come true one day. I fell in love with it and from that moment forth wanted to be a concert pianist and composer when I grew up. Sometimes our weakness gives us strength. Having obvious twitches also meant I knew how to stay away from scrutiny. I spent much of my childhood avoiding being looked at by sitting at the back of the classroom, and yet I ended up as an adult right in front of everyone’s focus on the stage and under lights! It was a strange twist of fate. I hid them within the music, and this translated as a musical dance. I had a sense of belonging when I played and knew I wanted music in my life more than anything. The piano was my gift, my superpower, and my saving grace. As a child I believed anything was possible and didn’t realize someone could stand in the way of my musical dreams. Success is not just about finding what sets your soul on fire, or the things you are good at. It’s about making sure that no one takes them away from you.

Subtle Differences

Immature, naïve, and sheltered, I married at nineteen. Shortly after, we moved to San Francisco. It was right at the time when George Winston and Windham Hill became a worldwide phenomenon. I turned the radio on one day and had an instant sense of belonging. It was a lightbulb moment. After a few years of living in various countries, we returned home to Australia but there was something missing. I was living my husband’s life and career, and the future didn’t seem to hold any chance for me to change that. Being discouraged and unable to explore my musical potential left me feeling trapped and without the ability to explore my worth. The piano kept calling to me, and deep down I knew it held the key to my future. Something was absent and I had to find it. There are negatives and positives in leaving one world and stepping into another, and no one tells us how these decisions may play out. I had been married to a controlling man, so the decision to make my own choices and owning the mistake to stay so long was empowering.

An Ordinary World

When two people do the dance of divorce, no one person should be blamed. I remember telling a friend my tale of woe, and he said something that stopped me in my tracks. You talk as if it’s all his fault, but you were there, and you allowed it to happen because you stayed. They weren’t words I wanted to hear, but they were wise and true. I needed to own my problems and fix them myself. It took eighteen months to work through the twists and turns of disentanglement, but nine years later I have a career, I’m in a safe place, and I have learned more about life and myself than I imagined. I remarried and discovered you can find love and have your own identity at the same time. We all have a purpose and things of value to share. Learning to stand up for yourself is a hard lesson and possibly the catalyst for my reset decision. It changed my life in so many ways. They are both very inspiring for finding strength and growth under multiple difficult circumstances. What did you learn from their stories? What are some important growth points you’ve had in your life? If you need assistance, please reach out and I’ll be happy to help you.

Make It Better

Who are you ready to forgive? Next, write a letter of forgiveness to one of the three people you just listed. This is for you, not them, so don’t feel a need to send it. Next, repeat each of the sentences above, out loud, ten times. Shout them if you need to. If you need an accountability partner in forgiveness, give me a call. Forgiveness is one of my favorite topics, and I believe a huge chunk of what it takes to bring internal, lasting peace and success in all areas of your life. Did you forgive yourself? If you were busy writing in other people’s names, beautiful. Next, let’s forgive ourselves. Say that ten or twenty or thirty times. What does success look like? What does success feel like? Here is another empowering sentence. Complete three statements of letting go. This can be learning to help ourselves or a moment to ask for outside assistance. When we overcome or heal, we seek support internally or externally. This is a moment where we ask for help from others, seek professional help, heal, and realize we are not alone. This often serves as a huge, pivotal moment for people in how we move from being stuck to taking action, and taking the right actions, so we don’t fall back on old habits and patterns that don’t serve us well. With support comes feedback. Our new selves may need to reach out for feedback. We may give ourselves permission to ask those with whom we interact for feedback and redefine if necessary. We may or may not incorporate this feedback based on how it makes us feel to the core. Of all the points of change, this seems to be the one that really gets people to squirm. Ask for help when you need it, especially if it’s financial, medical, emotional, or with an addiction or so many other things. There are multiple meanings to the words I need help. It could be you are world class and already plenty and you need to move to your next title. But here is what we forget in these moments. First, we all have them. Second, we all have them, and third, yes, we all have them.