It Would Be Impossible To Go Right?

What if you didn’t have to think at all? Guys who are new to approaching women, or talking with very beautiful women in general, are the most courageous men I encounter. Guys might see me approach a beautiful woman and return with her number, then tell me how courageous I am. What they fail to realise is that this might have taken absolutely no courage whatsoever. For courage to exist, there has to be fear present. Courage is acting in spite of fear, not acting without it. Because of this, guys go into conversations with the same narrow, goal orientated mindset. Unlike the Warrior who is focused on the end outcome he is trying to achieve, the Peacemaker has no goal. It’s hard for guys to be face to face with a beautiful woman that they’re attracted to and not be concerned with an outcome, but that is exactly what they need to learn to do. Let’s go back to my student in Chicago. One hour after telling him what he needed to know his interactions were completely turned around, the longest interaction being a twenty minute conversation in the street that turned into an instant Starbucks date. What did I tell him that had such a huge impact? I ran out of things to say’, like you are accessing a reservoir of stored things in your mind somewhere. If the conversation is indeed being constructed from a memory store of things, then, quite naturally and logically, once that reservoir is exhausted, you’re done.

Both Feet In The Water

And that’s what it feels like doesn’t it? You might have a few ideas knocking around, then once those ideas are spent, you return to your vault to find it empty. You did, very literally, run out of things to say. The problem is that you are, and everyone else who suffers from this is, looking for the conversation ideas in entirely the wrong place. If it’s a cold approach, then you’ve only just met this woman and won’t know anything about her. If it’s a woman at work that you like, but haven’t really socialised with her before, then you also probably won’t know that much about her. Your strategy for coming up with something to say by accessing your memory, then, is seriously flawed. But Aslen, I hear you cry, what choice do I have? Obviously I have to get the conversation from my head, how else am I going to keep the conversation going? Oh I hear you. Well, what if I told you that the solution was as simple and easy as it was effective? In fact, what if she told you what to talk about? It would be impossible to go wrong right? This, my friend, is the domain of the Peacemaker. The Peacemaker’s entire reality is outwards focused. He is like water, forever changing shape to suit the environment around him, forever expressing himself in a state of relationship with those engaging with him. To perform this as effortlessly as he does, he is incredibly sensitive to the people he interacts with. Are you ready to hear his superpower?.

Burning Bridges

He truly pays attention to what what the other person is saying. Ever heard women complain that men never listen? This is what they’re talking about. But Aslen, I am listening. She just told me what she does for work. And what did she tell you? She told me she was a lawyer. And what did you respond with? I asked if she had lived in Chicago for long. See, like I said, not listening. She gave you the conversation topic, and you completely ignored it. But she already answered that. If this was a questionnaire, sure, but this is a dynamic, evolving conversation between two human beings. The conversation topic is changing and flowing with every bit of input, and if you’re not paying attention, you’ll miss it. The conversation topic in this instance here was that fact that she’s a lawyer.

A Bruise That Never Goes Away

You see, because you’re so focused on the end goal, you’re not really listening to what she’s saying. You’re asking her a question, then as she starts talking, on the outside it looks like you’re listening, but on the inside, you’re already starting the search for the next thing to say so you can have it ready as soon as she stops talking. You’re, quite literally, in your head. And in attempting to find the conversation in your head, you miss the free lunch you’re getting served in every statement the woman says. The gold is right in front of you, but you have to take the leap of faith and abandon the apparent safety of your mind. Ok fine, but I don’t know anything about being a Lawyer. I still don’t see how this helps me. Again, you’re trying to rely on your memory. That can and will happen, and it’s obviously awesome when it does because conversation is just so effortless after that. If you’re an anime geek and you discover she’s a massive anime nerd as well, everyone relaxes and you can both talk for hours. You have to get over your desire to be entirely prepared for conversations. You have to enter conversations with the expectation that you will know absolutely nothing about her life, her interests and anything that comes out of her mouth, like you were attempting to chat up an alien. The Peacemaker’s secret is in listening intently, and then using the woman’s statements to build the conversation. And if you don’t know anything about what she just said, tell her that. What, tell her ‘I don’t know anything about being a lawyer’? That’s way better than skipping this topic and moving onto the next one. I would add a bit more, though, to make it easier for her to respond. Am I right? As a general rule, always respond with a statement before firing back with another question. Value to the conversation and gives her things she can respond to.