Love Is Indeed The Most Powerful Weapon For Good

Are you willing to consider doing this with the help of a counselor? I knew that her love would be the most powerful weapon for good in this situation. I can assure Brent that you seem to be sincere in your efforts of wanting to deal with the problem, but that I cannot help you without at least having one session with him to find out his perspective on the problem. Most of the time, when I call husbands in this situation, they will agree to come in for at least one session. She agreed to our strategy. Brent was unwilling to come with her, but he did come to see me alone. Shortly thereafter, he had a religious conversion. When he met Betsy at church, he was enamored to think that a girl of her stature and purity would be interested in him. In building his relationship with Betsy before they were married, Brent became emotionally revolted by his own earlier lifestyle and wished that he were as pure as she. In fighting this personal, emotional warfare against his past other failures, he became upset. He had hoped that the problem would soon go away and that Betsy would never have to know of his struggle. The problem had not gone away, however, and in coming to see me, Brent was sharing his story for the first time. It often takes numerous counseling sessions for a man to reveal what he had revealed to me in our first session.

Much More Than Can Be Said

I told him how grateful I was that he had chosen to see me and how encouraged I was that he was so open. I assured him that this was the first step toward healing. I told him that I thought his wife would be supportive and that I believed, with counseling, they could solve this problem. I asked Brent if he would be willing to come with Betsy the next time and in my presence share with her something of what he had shared with me. He said that he would but that it would be the hardest thing that he had ever done in his life. That’s probably true, I said. And one of the best things you’ve ever done in your life. I later called Betsy and asked if I could see her briefly the day before our counseling session together. I tried to prepare her for what she was going to hear and told her how happy I was that her husband had chosen to share these things with me and was now willing to share them with her. I did not reveal the content of what Brent would tell her, but I did tell Betsy that what she would hear would make her very sad and perhaps stimulate anger and other emotions inside of her. While Brent’s revelation might raise negative emotions within her, I reminded her that she did not have to let those emotions control her actions or her attitude toward him. She could still encourage and support Brent.

Say What You Say

I also reminded her that she could not change him, but that she could certainly influence him. In fact, I told her that I felt she was a key element in Brent’s being willing to be open with me and that I believed with her support, he would take the necessary steps to find healing. I reminded her to hang on to the love she felt for him throughout this sometimes difficult process of healing. The next session went as I had hoped. He expressed deep guilt, and he told her that if she could no longer accept him, he would understand. Betsy said with tears, I am deeply disappointed, but I love you. In the following weeks, I counseled with Brent weekly. We walked through his past. With great strength but not without fear, he confronted those who had originally abused him. But in confronting them, Brent assured his own healing. Brent learned that his emotions toward his abusers did not need to control his actions. He also realized that he could not change his abusers, although he did hope to influence them by confronting them.

Forgive And Forget

After the first two sessions with Brent, I met again with Betsy and told her that I thought that within the next few weeks, her husband would begin to reach out to her with physical touch. I encouraged her to be responsive to his initiatives but not to push anything, to let him move at his own pace. Within three weeks, he was indeed reaching out to hold hands as they watched television together. And a week later, he embraced her and kissed her passionately. Within three months, the impotency was gone. At that juncture, I began marriage counseling with them for several sessions, helping them look at their entire relationship and develop positive ways of communicating with each other. Betsy’s only regret is that she did not reach out for help much sooner. Love is indeed the most powerful weapon for good in the world. These distortions will differ with each victim depending on unique personality differences, but the answer lies in facing the issue squarely and getting help. You can acknowledge your own failures without taking on the responsibility for the original abuse. You can also come to recognize that your thinking and emotions are distorted, and then learn to go against your feelings of fear and shame and reach out to find help. One is now sixteen and the other is eighteen. Apparently this has gone on for several years, but I didn’t know it until about a month ago. Then she talked with my younger daughter and found out that the same thing had been happening to her. As soon as I heard it, I took my daughter and went to live with my mother. Right now, I hate my husband, Gene, and never want to see him again. I found out that she had talked with Gene only once since she left.