What Evidence Do You Have?

Do you really care or are you making a drama out of something that wouldn’t even get your attention if you were out there having fun with your family ,friends, and the people who know and love you? I’m not saying make excuses. I am saying the other person is simply irrelevant here. None of us will get through life without being on the end of criticism and none of us like it. The smart thing to do is to prepare some strategies for the next time something uncomplimentary comes your way. You can ignore it and decide not to dignify it with a response of any kind from you. So, again, you are going to focus on the person choosing to behave this way, rather than what they say or why they say it. When it comes to making mean statements and observations about another human being, what is said is more of a reflection of the meanness of the person saying it than it is of the being being criticized this way. Remember, if at all possible to steer clear of this person moving forward. Constructive criticism is the mature way to deal with the only kind of criticism worth paying any attention to. See it as an opportunity for learning and improvement. You will begin to notice that someone, say a boss, who is very skilled at constructive criticism, will deliver the ’learning lesson’ in the middle of a ’sandwich’ where the outside layers acknowledge how well you are doing and when things have gone right. It is a fantastically effective way of delivering constructive criticism, and you will know when you have been the recipient of constructive criticism because you will walk away from the exchange feeling good about yourself and your willingness to learn and improve.

From a Window

Here are some really good tips for dealing with criticism when it shows up without losing your cool or making matters worse. Never respond to any type of criticism in anger. This only takes the focus off the person who is being critical and onto you and will make you look bad, even when the criticism has been unfair and unjustified. Listen carefully to what is being said and remain cool, calm, and collected throughout. You can challenge destructive criticism by saying something like, Why would you say that? What evidence do you have? But, if it looks as if the situation is likely to become overheated, walk away. You do not have to be doormat for people to thoughtlessly trample. Unless the criticism is irrelevant, in which case you can ignore it, treat the other person with respect and understanding. This shows maturity and that you are a Class Act. If you have made a mistake which is now being pointed out, put your hand up, own it and say you will learn from it and take care not to make the same mistake again. Everyone appreciates honesty. It’s true that we will all run into feeling scared of failing at one time or another in our lives and will avoid those situations where we feel we might end up feeling shame or embarrassment because we fail to live up to what was expected of us. What might make you feel scared of failure will not be the same as what scares another person so only you know the outer limits of your comfort zone and the ways in which fear can or does hold you back when you edge up to those limits.

Is Nothing Alright?

Have you ever said no to something you secretly wanted to try but felt too scared to risk because you might fail? Are you reluctant to try new things or take on challenging projects in case you fail at them? Has being rejected made you fearful of dating or getting close to someone else again? Did you not get called back to the second round of interviews for a job you had thought you were a perfect fit for, What evidence do you have? leaving you feeling scared to knock on any new doors? If any of the above apply to you then you are letting your fear of failure hold you back. If you want to change this habit which will only get worse if you ignore it, then start by trying to work out what failure means to you? One of the greatest basketball players of all time, allowed fear of failure to bring his potential to a sudden halt after he was cut from his school basketball team? Or did he pick himself up and risk yet more rejection to follow his dreams and find a way to showcase his extraordinary talent to the sporting world? Warren Buffet is one of the world’s richest and most successful investors and businessmen. You might want to ask how come Harvard University failed to spot his potential and turned him down when he applied to study there? The world is full of examples of people who overcame their own fear of failure and, even more impressively, of failing again to chase their dreams and reach their full potential. Your own family and friendship groups will have people who have had to pick themselves up after major disappointment and risk it all again. Fear of failure can also be traced back to childhood experiences, including having critical or unsupportive parents which generated negative feelings that have survived into adulthood. These children, even the brightest among them, soon learned to avoid doing more challenging tasks in case they failed so in this case, fear of failure set in for entirely different reasons. Fear of failure can also be based on a bad experience or a traumatic event. If, for example, you were asked to speak in public but failed to prepare properly and then made a mess of your presentation, you may have left that experience feeling so wounded and scarred by embarrassment and shame you could never contemplate putting yourself through such a trauma again.