Why Do You Think It Happens That Way?

Have you ever felt sad? What about angry, have you ever felt that way? Can you tell me about the time you felt angry? Everyone feels these emotions, even superheroes and other fictional characters. Can you think of an example when a fictional hero you like might have felt scared, angry, or sad? What was going on for this character? What do you think this character needed at the time? For example, support, protection, or maybe, a friend? How would this hero feel if they never received this kind of support? Just like the character, just like your favorite hero, you too deserve to be supported when you feel this way. These discussions can also help to normalize the client’s experience, potentially reducing any shame or stigma that they might be carrying about experiencing these emotions. Another activity to help the client understand how emotion avoidance and suppression can backfire is Fizzy Drink. When we get shaken up, the pressure builds and that pressure has to go somewhere. What happens to our emotions if we keep suppressing them versus releasing them slowly over time? Let’s think of what happens with a fizzy drink. Have you ever had a fizzy drink? Have you ever shaken the fizzy drink bottle before opening it? What happens when you open the bottle after it’s been shaken? Why do you think it happens that way? What happens if you slowly open the bottle over time? The idea behind these activities is to assist the client in understanding that rather than suppressing their internal monsters, it can be more beneficial to acknowledge them, name them, and even get to know them. However, what happens if instead of them running away from their emotion, they run toward it? I have a cat, named Vader, with whom I like to play a game of tag. I chase Vader around until he runs into a corner and has nowhere to run. At this point, Vader turns around and looks at me and I start running away, with Vader chasing me around until I run into a corner, at which point I turn around and then start chasing him. This game of tag demonstrates that our clients can keep running until they can’t run any more, but at some point they need to turn around and face their anxiety, grief, trauma, and other emotions or memories. Like a game of tag, our clients might need to turn around and not only face their emotions, but perhaps even purposely get to know them.

Better Days

One strategy for doing that is the Name Your Monster activity. But what if we first got to know them? There is a famous expression in psychology, Name it and you tame it. This means that sometimes by naming our monsters and getting to know them, we can make them less intimidating. Do you know who your own monsters are? Now, let’s take some time to get to know your own monsters. But our feelings are not dangerous. In fact, they can even be helpful, because they let us know what we need. For example, when we feel sad, it might mean that we need support, and when we feel scared, it might mean that we need safety and protection. There is a famous saying, Name it and you tame it. This means that sometimes by naming our monsters and getting to know them, we can make them less scary. Now, let’s take some time to get to know your own monsters. Please draw them and color them in. I have experienced this on a very personal level.

Just Another Word For Pain

Because of my past history of Chernobyl radiation exposure, I am extremely sensitive to weather changes. I often experience severe migraines, which sometimes result in seizures. Usually this is due to the sudden drops in serotonin levels in my body that some people experience with seasonal and weather changes. What I have noticed about myself is that I could be functioning perfectly well one day and be completely overwhelmed with debilitating depression and drowning anxiety the next just because the weather is changing. It is as if my body goes through a form of amnesia that does not allow the memory of the emotional pain to remain because each time I go through it, I feel surprised at the depth and extent of it. I have been used to physical pain. I can function perfectly well with a migraine and have given multiple talks and workshops while in a 9/10 pain. However, the emotional pain has been much harder to work with. I used to engage in these behaviors because I wanted not to feel bad. I now engage in them because I don’t feel well, as a way of caring for myself. Don’t get me wrong, my depression is still there, as is my migraine. Those elements will forever accompany weather changes in my life.

Don't Run Away

What has changed, however, is that I’ve become more welcoming of these experiences, treating them as expected guests, making emotional space for them and even arranging my schedule in such a way that I am able to honor them. Here’s an activity I’ve used in helping clients understand what monsters can look like when they are avoiding them versus when they are facing them. The more we face them and get to know them, the less intimidating they appear. Please make the monsters significantly bigger than you. This is what happens when we are trying to avoid or run away from our emotions. Now, draw yourself facing your monsters. Please make the monsters the same size as you. This is what happens when we face our emotions. Now, draw yourself talking to your monsters, making the monsters smaller than you. This is what happens when we engage with our emotions. For example, the more we try not to laugh, the more likely we might be to start laughing. Also, the more we try not to feel sad, the more likely we are to feel sadder.