Singling Out Age As The Classifier

Using technology to keep older people company represents a fundamental disregard for personhood, creates another barrier to finding meaningful ways for older people to contribute to the world, and is the epitome of ageism. Social isolation describes the feeling we get when we lack fulfillment in our relationships or sense that we don’t belong. Loneliness is the unwelcome feeling of discomfort and stress that we experience as a consequence of social isolation. Loneliness should not be mistaken with solitude, which is a purposeful choice to be peacefully alone. People of all ages experience loneliness at different points in their lives. Transitional life events can make people especially vulnerable to becoming isolated. Think back to the times in your own life when you underwent a major life change, like graduating from high school or college, moving to a new location, changing jobs, losing someone significant, or leaving the workforce. Such transitions increase the risk of feeling isolated or lonely, especially during the crucial months in their immediate aftermath. Now imagine feeling that same heavy ache of aloneness for days, months, or years on end. Neither loneliness nor depression should be a normalized part of being old. A hallmark of social isolation is a lack of belonging. The construction and acceptance of ageism interwoven in our policies, laws, attitudes, and behaviors literally ensure that older people are systematically excluded from where we work, where we live, and what we value.

Meeting Your Match

We cannot be surprised that older people experience isolation and loneliness when we have created ageist systems that reinforce it. Over and over again we have minimized the importance and contribution of older people. This has resulted in an almost predatory consumeristic and deterministic model of telling older people what they should want and what they should feel they need. We have a dominant ideology that older people should be recipients of care, services, and products without surveilling their preferences and responding accordingly. In other words, we proceed as if it’s okay to make everyday choices large and small for older people. The robotic pet provides a poignant example of how we systematically view elders as the consumers of care and services. We all have a need to give to others. Volunteering, for example, is not just about altruism. When we volunteer we don’t just give our time and help, we also receive by gaining personal satisfaction and a feeling of value that comes from being of service to others. A lack of understanding and acknowledgment of elderhood restricts opportunities for meaningful social participation, keeping us stuck in seeing elders as takers and as others. The colloquial term greedy geezers speaks volumes, communicating that older people take without giving back. Shame and fear are inconspicuous enablers of isolation, too.

Naked To The Pain

Shame results from a negative evaluation of oneself and acts as a demotivating factor in participation in life. Shame is a powerful driver of human behavior because it is an extraordinarily unpleasant emotion. Or we quietly withdraw and isolate ourselves from the insults and the injuries. This is an illusion of choice. Sadly, others laugh in agreement at our jokes, perpetuating the cycle. Relational ageism is a contagion that spreads the fear and shame that underlie isolation. But calling out our oldness as a defense against judgment is not a healthy use of humor. It teaches others that oldness is indeed a shame that can’t be shaken off, a shame that we will all feel if we live long enough. There is nothing shameful about being old, acting old, and looking old. I have had people moved to tears during this exercise, telling the group afterward that it never dawned on them that they could take back power by owning their age. Where you live can also make you more vulnerable to being socially isolated. The physical landscape of our cities and neighborhoods determines our ability to access services and amenities.

Courage Doesn't Always Roar

Not surprisingly, the built environment creates inequities that disenfranchise groups of people, most notably those who are subjected to institutional and historical oppression, such as people of color, women, and those living in poverty. Now try navigating this with any type of physical limitation or a walker or a cane. Tripping hazards abound, and moving about at nighttime is like trying to navigate a dimly lit obstacle course. Adding to your list of inconveniences may be that the nearest bus stop is blocks away with no seating or shelter in which to wait. Barriers to social engagement are built into the surrounding environment brick by brick. Although driven by great intentions, misguided and inappropriate language, yet again, perpetuates ageist othering and exclusion of older people. Singling out age as the classifier for a friendly environment marginalizes older people by distinguishing their needs as different from those of people of other ages. We would see this clearly if we attempted to use the term friendly to connote belonging to a racial or gender group, for example. For example, a sidewalk designed with enough width to accommodate a wheelchair or walker is also ideally suited for a stroller. A lack of broadband and internet access for those living in some neighborhoods and in rural areas prevents people from socially connecting through technology as well. It is the key to growth. Although the savage virus was highly communicable and rapidly transmissible, it appeared to be most deadly for those already medically compromised. Increased age became synonymous with higher risk despite the fact that we know age alone is a poor indicator of health. Older people got caught in the crossfire of political debate over the relative importance of keeping the economy open versus people’s health and safety. In March 2020, as businesses and venues began to shut down, people became addicted to news and social media, hungry for information on the latest developments, and political discourse devolved into a barrage of ageist sentimentality that enflamed my anger. I specifically remember when my dad called me in a rage to ask if I had seen the news story about Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick, who said that as a senior citizen [he was] willing to take a chance on [his] survival in exchange for keeping the America that America loves for [his] children and grandchildren.