Skip to main content
Ask Your Friends To Fix You Up
 
What’s  happening  here?  Everyone’s  doing  it,  and  it just might  be  a  way  to  find  new love.  Most  men  readily  admit  they  love  a  woman  who  can  whip  up  some  home  cooking,  and  my  female  clients  have  told  me  that  a  man  in  the  kitchen  is as  good  as  it  gets.  As  Trisha,  one of my private clients, so  pointedly  said,  If  a  man  can  cook,  it  means  he  has  the  ability  to  take care of me.  If  you  are a woman looking  for  a  man  who  can  turn  up the heat in  the  kitchen,  pick  a  class  such  as  Gourmet  Grilling,  Baking  with  Beer,  or  Baking  with  Bacon,  where  guys  might  be  more  likely  to  gravitate.  Not  up  for  chopping,  baking,  slicing,  and  dicing?  Borrow  a  friend’s  dog  and  head  to  a  dog  park.  Volunteer  at  a  neighborhood  organization  for  kids.  Or  pick  a  professional  sports  team  for  the  season  and  buy  a  handful  of tickets. For instance,  just think  of how many times you’ve interacted  with  a checkout  clerk  or bag boy  at your  local  grocery  store.  Your  first  trip  to  the  store  may  have  been  nothing  more  than  a  hello,  a  credit  card  swipe,  and  a  dash  for  your car.  In  return,  you’ve  discovered  that  Mike works  nights  at  the  store  to  pay  his  way  through  college.  But in  the  back  of  your  mind,  you  can’t  help  but  think  that  you  wouldn’t  have  been  as  attracted  to  this  person  if  you  had  met  outside  of  work.  It’s  the  mere  exposure  effect  in action.  
Climb That Hill
Are you  drawn to  this person, or  are  you attracted to the  newness or  secrecy?  Will  an office romance create  too much competition  between you  and this  person?  What  would happen  if  you break  up?  Will  you  still  be  able  to work  together  and  treat  each  other  respectfully  and  professionally?  If  you  are  a  manager,  would other  employees  feel  the  relationship  shows  preferential  treatment?  How  will  you  be  able  to  effectively  supervise  and review this  person?  Have  you  checked  the  official  policies  at work? Second on  the  list  of  top  dating  strategies  are  blind  dates.  Sure, blind  dates  aren’t  always  successful.  But the  reality  is,  a  successful  blind  date  can  be  an  excellent  way  to  meet  someone  who  is compatible  with you.  When  the  married  people  in  my  study  are  asked about  how  they  met,  one  of the most common  answers  is  We  were  fixed  up.  I  know  we’ve  all  heard  about  or  experienced  the  I  swear  I’ll  never  do  that  again  blind  date,  but  please  take  my advice  and  give  it  a try! It’s  a  myth  that  blind  dates  don’t  work.  It’s  also a  myth  that  blind dates  are  only  for people  who  are  desperate.  Many  people  wrongly  believe  that  getting  fixed  up on  a  date  is  the equivalent  of  throwing  in the  towel  and  screaming,  All  right  already,  I’ll  do it! but that’s far from the truth. Why not tune them back in? She  told  me,  Do  people  really  think  I can’t  make  it  on  my  own?  When  Jim and I met, we had an  instant  connection.  I  felt like I had known him for years! Jim  and  I  started  out  with  a  handful  of  dates,  and  nine  months  later,  there’s  no  breaking  us  apart.  My  sister’s  not  one  to  say  I  told  you  so,  so  I’ll  say  it  for  her.  The  blind  date  with  Jim  was  worth  it.  Take  control.  When One Is That Sad
Choose the  right  place  to meet. A movie is not a good choice for a first date, nor is a loud rock concert. A  lunch  or  dinner  date,  meeting  for a  cup  of  coffee,  or  even  something  like  miniature  golf  can  make for  a  great  first  date.  Choose  a  place  where  you  and  your date can talk, observe, and interact. Whatever activity you choose, keep your date under two hours. A meal is always  a  good choice  for  a  blind  date because  it  has  a  beginning,  a  middle,  and  an  end. When  the  check  comes,  your  date  is over.  If  it seems too brief, make another date! Don’t  let the  fixer upper go on the date with you. If you want to bring your matchmaker  along  for  the  initial  introduction,  that’s  fine.  But  agree  ahead  of  time  that  after  ten  minutes,  he  or  she  will  duck  out.  Chat  up  the  person  who  introduced  you.  Need  to  get  the  conversation  going?  Start  by  bringing  up  the  person  who  introduced  the  two  of  you.  Sometimes The Good Guys Finish First
This  simple  conversation  starter  gives  you  both  a  chance  to  talk  about  something  other  than  yourself  right  away. Arrive with an open and positive mind. Show  up  with  the  attitude  that  this  date  is  an  opportunity  to  meet  someone  you might not have otherwise met. Even if you don’t have romantic chemistry, you may have found a potential  friend.  Last but certainly  not least on the list of  top  dating  strategies  is  online  dating.  I’m  a  huge  advocate  of  online  dating,  and  it’s  with  good reason. Last year  alone,  twice  as  many  marriages  occurred  for  couples  who  met  online  than  for  those  who  met  in  bars,  clubs,  and  other  social  events  combined.  Over  the  past  year,  the  number  of  people  aged  fifty  and  older  who  use  online  dating  has  grown  twice  as  fast  as  any  other  age  group.  And  over  the  past  decade,  the  number  of  baby  boomers  who  use  online  dating  has more than doubled. According to Match.com, in 2000, 24 percent of baby boomer members visited the dating  site  each  day.  Over  the  past  ten  years,  online  dating  has become a  successful  way  to  meet  someone  who  is  compatible.  Trust  me,  this  isn’t  by  accident.  Many  online  dating  services  hire  psychologists,  like  me,  to  assist  with  how  the  sites  are  structured,  how  online  profiles  are  developed,  and  how  potential  dates  are matched  and recommended  to  members.  In  fact,  I  am  the  relationship  expert,  the largest  online  dating  community  catering  to  singles  over  fifty  years  old.  It’s  a  way  to  get  your  feet  wet.  You  can  flirt  in  your  pajamas.