Learning Effective Conflict Management Techniques

It’s important to have boundaries for what you do and share with others. Refrain from absolutes, such as always and never. For example, when you’re talking, avoid phrases like You’re always late or You never help out around the house. We tend to use absolutes because in our minds, we want to generalize everything into one category. It makes our life simpler. But in reality, always and never rarely happen. No matter if you’re dealing with a coworker, friend, family member, or spouse, sometimes you’ll need to draw the line, saying, This is what I can do for you, and this is what I can’t. From time to time, you may also have to set boundaries for what other people share with you. In fact, you could simply say, I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now, and walk away. Keep in mind that no one may like it, but you need to take care of yourself and spend time with people who fuel, rather than drain, your energy. Communication Is Important for Every Type of Relationship For most of us, our daily interactions are filled with people we barely know. Your coworker a few cubes down.

Full Of Emptiness

The salesperson in the department store. The boy in the ice cream shop. Your son’s school bus driver. In fact, studies show that Americans spend more time with coworkers, clients, neighbors, and other acquaintances than they do with their family and friends! And even though we don’t know our acquaintances well, we depend on these relationships for many things. Acquaintances reduce loneliness, help us solve problems, provide fun, assist in emergencies, and connect us to religious, political, and social groups. While your acquaintances will never replace your close relationships, there are ways you can enhance these relationships further. Put time and energy into getting to know the people you interact with on a daily basis. Don’t walk around staring at the ground, avoiding eye contact with those around you. Instead, wish someone a good morning, or open a door for someone. Be more understanding of your acquaintances’ perspectives and make the most of these bonds by asking questions. You never know who might be able to help you in the future. If you’re having a bad day, don’t transfer your negativity to the acquaintances you run into.

Everybody's Got Something to Hide

Instead, release your anger in constructive ways like exercise, journaling, or art. Learn how to handle conflict. Believe it or not, how well or badly an argument goes often has more to do with how you handle the conflict than the conflict itself. Conflict with an ex can be a significant issue after a divorce, even after you find a new partner, particularly if you have children together. 56 percent have disagreements about how to raise the children they had together. 30 percent have disagreements about where their kids should live. 40 percent have disagreements about the ex’s visits with the kids. 54 percent have disagreements about the ex’s contributions to children’s support. For example, let’s say you’re having an issue with your ex. You and your ex share custody of the kids, and your ex has a habit of not showing up on time to drop the kids off. Next time, could you show up on time? Can’t you plan a little better? I’m taking the kids to see my parents, remember? Or maybe you conveniently forgot. Sometimes our schedules are too tight.

Don't Talk About It

I don’t want our kids to rush or feel stressed out about our visitation schedule. Or can I text you with a reminder about the times? With a few small changes to your behavior, you can avoid conflict and make your life so much easier. If you are in a relationship, learning effective conflict management techniques will make your relationship with a new partner go more smoothly, too. The next time you sense an argument or issue brewing, change your response. Take a step back and don’t storm off. Instead of leaving the room without an explanation, try to breathe and relax. If you need to, tell the other person you want a short break, you’ll be back in fifteen minutes, and go downstairs to get a glass of water. Discussions are much more effective when both people are calm. Focus on what can change. Instead of attacking perceived character traits, focus on actions that can be changed. Validate the other person’s feelings. Even if you don’t agree, don’t dismiss how another person thinks or feels. Use I instead of You language. We hurt others by lying, cheating, procrastinating, breaking our promises, or making unkind jokes at someone’s expense. The secret, when you make a mistake, is to apologize, but many people don’t know when or how to say they’re sorry. The sooner you offer an apology, the faster a person can heal. Make your apologies the following day or week, if not on the same day itself. Say it like you mean it. If you are truly sorry, name what you did wrong and apologize for it. Specify precisely what you are sorry for. Admit responsibility. No matter what you do, never follow I’m sorry with a but. A but is a justification. Be sure to take responsibility and admit what you did wrong. Offer an explanation. The other person may not be ready to hear this while they are hurt, but try to give an explanation later on. The other person deserves it. Give an action plan. When you have a plan to stop the behavior from happening again, your apology is much more likely to be accepted. Start with one small change and watch what happens. Do you see a change in your attitude? Are you starting to feel alive, engaged, and excited about your new routine? Are you doing new things, or have you met or talked with more people than usual? Cutting back your work hours, or changing what you do with the spare time you do have, will open up opportunities to explore new interests and meet brand new people.