The Answer Is Hidden In Your Brain

We all have different beliefs about romantic love that guide much of our behavior, especially within our relationships, and just being aware of these differences can help you when you are dating. However, how romantic a person is does not predict which relationships will last and which ones will fizzle. So how can you use this information? I’ll give you an example that I hear all the time in my practice and with my students. Alicia recently met a guy who seems head over heels for her. By the second or third date, he’s swooning, confessing his love, texting several times a day, and asking if she wants to get together. It’s not like he is stalking or harassing her, but he seems to have fallen madly in love with her, almost at first sight, and it’s just too much, too soon for Alicia. Alicia tells her girlfriends, I’m thinking about calling it off with this guy. I really like him, but he seems too needy. It feels unbalanced. What’s happening here? Alicia is making assumptions about her date based on her own romantic beliefs. And if he won’t slow down even after a talk? Then it is time to break ties with this guy. For men, being aware of romantic tendencies, no matter how buried they think these tendencies may be, can keep them from missing out on a great relationship.

A Bruise In Your Mind

Joshua met Suzie online, and now they’re meeting in person for the first time. Online, Suzie seems funny and smart, so Joshua finally suggested they meet after work on Thursday at the coffee shop about two blocks away from his office. If things didn’t click, he figured, there would be an easy out. For an entire week before their date, Joshua could barely contain his excitement. He even started to think that Suzie might be The One. Their phone conversations have been great, and they can’t stop texting and emailing each other. They order caramel mint lattes and begin talking. But after about five minutes, Joshua knows it’s a bust. Suzie’s pretty enough and fun to talk to, but he didn’t have that killer rush of excitement when he first laid eyes on her. After a long hour, he tells Suzie he has to go and will chat with her online that evening. Joshua never got in touch with Suzie again, because he believes in love at first sight. He didn’t see fireworks instantly, so as far as he’s concerned, there was no way Suzie was The One.

Save Some Time to Dream

You see, Joshua is a romantic, although he might not describe himself that way. The next time you’re in a dating situation, think about your romantic beliefs and how they might impact your first impressions and your own behaviors. Are your expectations too high, like Joshua’s? Or are you jumping to conclusions, like Alicia? When couples are asked, When did you first fall in love with your partner? men report falling in love much earlier in the relationship than women do. As hard as this may be for men to admit or believe, when Cupid pulls out his bow and arrow, the arrow hits men first. Women want to be sure about their partner and the relationship before they fall in love or confess their love. Michelle and I had been dating for a couple of months. She was walking down the stairs, and as I looked up I remember thinking, Now this is the woman I want to spend my life with. Right then and there, I knew she was the one. After that, I couldn’t hold back. I actually ended up telling Michelle I loved her later that night at our favorite restaurant, right after the waiter came by with a second bottle of wine. Her friends and family were all at the party, and I couldn’t wait to introduce Michelle as my fiancée. I knew I had feelings for Duane, and I was pretty sure I had fallen for him, but I wanted to be really, really sure.

One Of Those Days

I mean, my first marriage was a total mess, and honestly, I didn’t think I’d be able to love someone again. I finally broke down and told Duane I loved him a few months after he did while we were on vacation. We were having a great night just walking along the beach. I finally knew I was in love. Duane and Michelle’s story shows just how differently men and women process and express falling in love. Men are more likely to give their love freely, and women are selective and cautious. Studies and research point to three areas that drive women’s behavior. Women need to be careful about how they love because they are the ones having the children. For women, a single night of passion could mean nine months of pregnancy and years of child care, so women are more selective about their partners. They’re careful to choose men with specific qualities, because these features represent better reproductive potential and a good environment for their children. For example, a woman might choose a man because he’s a good provider, financially secure, or physically fit. They are particularly drawn to women who are physically attractive and young. A woman’s preprogrammed genetic desire to find a good provider influences many of her choices, even when she least suspects it. Researchers in Austria have found that even the car a man drives may influence how a woman views a potential mate. Women are judged negatively by others. Deep down, women know these judgments exist, so they may hold back their love. Recent studies show that although this double standard may be less pronounced today than in decades past, it still exists and influences the experience of love for men and women. Love, and the experience of being in love, becomes a major role in a woman’s everyday life, more so than it does for a man. Scientists can tell if you’re in love by making a scan of your brain.