Think About The Precedent You Are Setting

Our boundaries are constantly being tested and we can often feel marginalized when a client asks us to discount our price, we feel pressure to volunteer, scope creep occurs on a project, or when our children look to us as the default parent on most things just because we work from home the majority of the time or are our own boss. What’s worse, we often justify it to ourselves whenever we allow a breach of our boundaries. While those things may be true, the harsh reality is there’s a tradeoff occurring. It is time you see your multifaceted greatness as a true asset that you should leverage. You have far too much to offer the world for you not to be seen, heard, and followed. You have more power than you realize. There are many sources of power we can draw upon, many of which we often overlook. For example, you can use direct power to stand your ground on your pricing with a client. You don’t have to justify your pricing to them. Know and believe in the value you provide, adequately communicate that value to your client, and be prepared to walk away. You’d be amazed at how many of them will come chasing after you once you do! Use relationship power with your family to reset roles and responsibilities. Gain alignment with family members so that everyone understands and respects that you are a working parent.

Although The Sun Is Shining

Not every task is worth your time. How do you allow clients and family members to diminish your value? What stories are you telling yourself to justify your boundaries being breached? Many of my clients struggle with prioritizing their own personal needs. Any of this sounding familiar? So many of us just don’t use it enough because we’re afraid of being perceived as lazy, uncooperative, or just plain rude. Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely a rude way to say no, but there are plenty of ways to say no gracefully, without damaging the relationship in the process. Essentially, you are saying no, but you offer an alternative. For example, let’s say you are asked to chair an event at your kid’s school. You could respond with, My plate is quite full at the moment and I’m not able to devote the time required to chair the event, but I’d be happy to help out at the event itself for a few hours. This soft no allows you to honor your heart and where you really want to spend your time, while preserving the relationship. The power of the pause. You’d be amazed at how many people will negotiate themselves down or give you an out when you pause. Make no your default answer. The more we practice saying it, the easier it gets.

Putting It Together

Consider making no your default answer to any question and then allow yourself to be talked into a yes. What about times when you need to advocate for yourself and it isn’t about just saying no? This is where being very clear with your heart’s desires and knowing your worth comes into play. It is your responsibility to educate your family and your clients on your boundaries in order to uphold them. For example, when one of my clients first started her business, she would work wherever made sense around the house or at a client site. Years later, with the majority of her working hours at home, she established a workspace in her home and let her family know that her workspace is a ‘no fly’ zone. If the door is closed, it means she is working and can’t be disturbed. Little things like this can make all the difference in receiving the respect you deserve and helping your family recognize that you are working just as hard as someone who works from an office outside the home, and I would argue that you likely work harder than them! Identify one thing you can say no to today and one thing you can do to establish and communicate your value with your clients and your family. Obviously, none of us are perfect and we’re all going to slip up sometimes. But, in general, maintaining your boundaries needs to be continually practiced and refined over time. Consistency is your friend! It’s easy to let our guard down and let things slide, not only in our business or at home, but in all aspects of our lives. We can often identify our weak spots where we might be more vulnerable than others. Are there particular areas where you find that you allow people to trample all over you? You know the one who regularly uses up more of your time than they pay for or constantly tries to get you to work on areas that are out of the scope of your agreement.

Keep On Growing

Why do we ever put up with this type of client behavior? We all have our vulnerable areas, it’s just a matter of knowing where they are and proactively assessing what we can do to remain vigilant in maintaining healthy boundaries. It’s not easy, but it is possible. Once you’ve identified the usual suspects, think about how it starts. It may not be obvious at first, but there can be early warning signs that can clue us in before it becomes a pattern or habit that’s harder to break. For example, do you find you say to yourself, Just this one time, or does your gut tell you no, but you are tempted to ignore the warning? Think about the precedent you are setting when allowing this boundary to be breached and how difficult it will be to undo in the future. How is this decision or action going to make me feel? Does it align with my heart? Am I not seeing my worth and claiming my power? Do I need to speak up? What is one step you can take in the next day or so to remain alert to the usual suspects that are likely to encroach and push your boundaries in the near future?