Children Learn To Make Sounds

Is there anything more satisfying in the world? Can I borrow it? I guess I could drop it by. Now, let’s press pause on this story for a minute. In my mind, I was being sweet. I was born and raised in the South, for goodness’ sake! I figured she’d be sweet right back and say something like, Kirsten, please! I’ll come by and pick it up. Instead, she said, Great! Can you have it here by lunchtime so I can get this roast started? Wait. That’s to say nothing of the trip across town. And did I mention I was eight months pregnant? With a husband out of town? But at the same time, I knew full well this was my own fault. This situation was all on me. My friend hadn’t even asked me for this favor! I’d volunteered to do this. Because I wanted to seem sweet. I wanted the praise for being the nice friend. Now how’s a girl supposed to breathe when she’s contorting herself like that? What I was discovering was something bigger.

Its A Mean Old World

Life is better when what comes out of my mouth isn’t just accurate but also aligns with who I am. When I take my own words seriously, it takes the pressure off. It may be one word, but no is a complete sentence. When I’m at war within myself, trying to talk myself into and out of things, it’s such a waste of energy. This I mean what I say mentality helps me breathe. It’s also really good for relationships. When people sense they have to guess what we really mean, trust is nearly impossible to achieve. In trying to get applause or props from my friend, I spoke quickly, without much thought. And that was only part of the problem. I was trying to please others. We learn early on that what we say has an immediate effect. Think of a baby whose momma either smiles or frowns based on the sounds that baby makes.

At This Time

Developmentally, children learn to make sounds that will produce the desired effect from their caregiver. It’s a basic part of human communication. But when it comes down to it, does their opinion matter? Listen, I was passionate in my pursuit of excellence in the corporate world. That didn’t satisfy. I am passionate in my love for and commitment to Benjamin. But being his wife doesn’t bring ultimate satisfaction. But that won’t satisfy either. Knowing I am His beloved daughter clears the storm clouds in my mind. And more than that, it’s sad. It takes vigilance to mean what you say all the time. But it’s like a muscle that gets stronger with use. The more we do it, the easier it gets.

Do Yourself A Favor

What we say to each other matters. But humans don’t come with recording devices. We don’t always remember exactly what people say. When Benjamin tells me he’ll do something, he will do it. I trust him to back those words up with action because of his character. He won’t break his word because he has a strong moral character and because he doesn’t want to disappoint me. Holding firm to my identity means I can be real with other people. I can say no without regret or shame. Because I know I’m saying yes to what matters. Benjamin’s father, Ken Watson, is an amazing preacher. I love to hear him speak whenever I get the chance. Once I heard him preach about the importance of keeping our word. After hearing that, I started paying careful attention to the lyrics of praise and worship music. Candidly, I had to keep my mouth shut sometimes. For right now, let me just say that in the aftermath, my heart was so tender. Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders or Thy will be done. My heart didn’t align with those lyrics in that moment. You know I’m in pain. I can’t sing this with my whole heart yet. Y’all, He’s trustworthy, and He can handle our grief. When I didn’t have the strength to pray after my miscarriages, it was a gift to know that friends and family were praying for me. I could feel their prayers buoying me, keeping me from sinking into despair. When I’ve confided something to a friend and she’s prayed for me, it brings me so much peace and comfort to hear from her in a text or phone call that lets me know she’s going to the Father on my behalf. It makes me feel seen and loved. It makes your words a lie. Those seemingly kind words, I’ll pray for you! become a broken promise. There are other ways to show support, condolence, and love, so don’t promise to pray unless you are serious about committing to that time and energy. Imagine a huge medical bill came for you in the mail. It’s an amount you absolutely cannot pay, so you’re feeling really stressed about it. While you wait, she does . Soon the hospital sues you for nonpayment. When you see your friend again, you ask her what happened. She says, I’ve been so busy, I forgot. It would have been better for her to say nothing than to make an empty promise. The same goes for us in prayer. Hold your tongue instead of making an empty promise. Better yet, don’t make the promise and then pray anyway! If you feel led to pray for your friend, stop right where you are and pray in their presence. I have friends who devote certain days to intercessory prayer, so when they commit to pray, they have a designated time to make good on their promise. This freedom is precious. Make no mistake, it can be misused by those who lack consideration and decency. True freedom is not about doing whatever we want. It’s not about simply being able to make a choice. I love that we can share tips and tricks, but ultimately it’s about the Word.