Choose How You Want To Spend Your Energy

I truly believe it’s not that feelings get hurt, it’s that feelings don’t have the space that they need to be understood, translated, and processed with compassion. All it requires is taking time to pause and observe, rather than to instantly react. We all have different rules and operating systems, and so when we find ourselves in a sacred union with another human being, it’s no wonder that we either move toward togetherness or veer off the rails into separateness. I had something that I refer to as slow simmer syndrome. As a remedy, my mentors helped me and encouraged me over the years to tell the truth faster instead of bottling it up. This means being willing to have difficult conversations as they arise as feelings so you can squish the monster while it’s still tiny. The reality is that most couples fight and argue at some point during their relationship, whether it’s squabbling about division of housework or pleading for the toilet lid to remain closed. It’s also very common for us to attract the perfect partners that bring our wounds to the surface to heal our emotional pain, especially when it comes to our levels of worthiness. Some of the most obvious ways our powerlessness manifests in conflict is to get defensive, withdraw, or even go into attack mode, which has obviously been my path and previous pattern. For many years, I hid behind the excuse of entitlement to be emotionally distressed because of my toxic past. I stayed in an abusive relationship for ten years, I was raised by parents that I assumed had issues, I lived in poverty as a single mother, and I dealt with other abuses along the way. All these things changed who I was.

Please Go Home

I truly believed I was broken and that life was happening to me instead of for me. There came a turning point where I began to question myself. Saying things like, At what point does one say, Enough is enough? At what point is it time to be at peace with what is and move forward? I had to get real with my feelings and face my inner demons with fearless strength to know that being vulnerable like this would help many people along the way. To do this, I knew it was time to stop pushing my feelings down with my addiction to food, to alcohol, to shopping, to being argumentative, or to any of the other things I would use to numb my experience. Your heart is always giving you messages, and it’s fun to think of it as your oldest and dearest friend. It was with you from the beginning of your life and will be there until the very end. When we trace back the patterns in our lives, it’s often very clear to see a road map of ways that we have ignored the messages from our hearts. Smartphones, social media, apps, consuming excessive amounts of news, online shopping, and all the other ways we can tap out from the present moment are hindering the opportunities to create new pathways for healing in our hearts and minds. Our minds will do anything they can to avoid getting hurt. However, if things aren’t working in your life with other people, then more than likely there is some profound space for healing to be done. And it begins with ownership of your emotions, being willing to do the work, and being open to trusting yourself. If someone told you a juicy secret and instructed you not to tell anyone else, could you keep that secret? People that break trust usually do not trust themselves in various situations in their lives.

Shut Out The Light

When you break trust, it usually results in feelings of guilt in your heart. It’s that pang of guilt and feeling bad about something that is a key indicator of the edges of your boundaries and your levels of integrity. You know you have done something wrong, and that wrongness then manifests into feelings of shame that have no place to go but inward. This event then triggers a block in your ability to be intuitive and truly loving. When you set clear boundaries in your life, you begin to see patterns of how much you value yourself, your time, and your energy. A method of starting to set healthy boundaries in your life is to make a pledge not to harm others and to always be a person driven by integrity. What I’ve understood over the years and more so recently is that learning how to Be the Love when you are on a healing journey to trust yourself is the ultimate remedy to pretty much anything that the Universe sends you as an obstacle, challenge, or emotional hurdle. It takes some training to set boundaries you will not cross, some serious practice, and some commitment to trying it out, but it’s completely worth it to watch pain transform into power and fear morph into the comfort of faith. We can change the world when we first activate this magic within ourselves. Most people see shame as the final destination, but it’s not. Shame is the invitation to be better, do better, and strive for breaking your own patterns of limited thinking. You can choose your next actions, you can choose to respond in fear or love, abundance or scarcity, pain or even power.

There Are Tomorrows On Their Way

When you remember that you can choose to guide your energy and your emotions, then you are tapping into a space of pure love and infinite potential. Next time you enter into a space of disagreement with another human, ask yourself how you can Be the Love. Pause and choose how you want to spend your energy. It’s not always easy, but it will allow you to watch the magic happen! The same rule applies when you feel ashamed of yourself in any way, choose again, and then again and again. Letting go sometimes requires looking back years ago.