How Do You Do It?

Breathing has been second nature for us ever since we entered the world as infants. We might also practice concentrated breathing during childbirth to help keep calm during the delivery process. During overwhelming experiences, we are encouraged to slow the pace of our breathing so panic doesn’t overtake us. Our union thrust me into the spotlight and was accompanied by overwhelming expectations from others as well as from myself. We often utilize this particular gift to our own detriment, feeding the unspoken pressure to be perfect. Unfortunately, social media has added to this dysfunctional thinking, perpetuating the need for women to present themselves as busy and put together at all times. It amplifies the phrase She’s a boss when she just might be overwhelmed, falling apart, and internally dying. Although I’ve lived enough life to implement some healthier boundaries for myself, I, too, succumb to this tireless way of thinking at times. We are all sisters in the quest to manage our commitments and prioritize our marriages, our children, and our careers. The Lord’s command to rest is a great gift of love that we must surrender to. Kirsten’s unique authenticity and transparency will speak to young moms navigating the complexities of home, as well as to more seasoned women who need to be reminded it’s never too late to begin. How do you do it? I get this question a lot.

Hurts Just A Little

I still haven’t gotten used to it. I’ve given media interviews about what it’s like for millions of football fans to learn I’m pregnant. But that’s just a tiny sliver of my life. What you don’t see is the other 98 percent. For the majority of my time, I’m serving my family behind the scenes, doing rather ordinary and unglamorous tasks. So it’s nice to be called out, to have someone imply that maybe I’m getting something right. But when the question comes, it’s also a little hard to answer. What kind of response could begin to make sense of my life? What sound bite could possibly cover that 98 percent? But perhaps the question is more important than the answer. What I know for sure is that this question comes from a place of deep hunger. A hunger for insight. A hunger for encouragement. A hunger for understanding.

Easy Target

I know because I’m asking it too. When I see someone navigating the challenges and joys of womanhood and motherhood, I wonder, How does she do it? What makes her tick? What keeps her going? I’ve always wanted a sister. Sisters are friends for better or for worse. When one grows, the others don’t hold it against her. As things change, they don’t judge. Sisters allow you to just be yourself and at the same time cheer you on to go further than you dreamed possible. I believe we’re built for community. We’re hardwired to learn from each other. And while an Instagram story may look appealing on the outside, each of us secretly desires genuine connection, the knowledge that we’re not alone. Together we can walk this journey to loving and living well. If anything, I was aiming for business success, not fame. Being famous for my relationship to Benjamin, or any man, never crossed my mind.

A Little Too Late

I met Benjamin when we were students at the University of Georgia. Like Benjamin, I was a college athlete. Like me, he was a Christian. But I wasn’t interested in dating a football player. I wasn’t interested in any of that. Between classes and practice, I didn’t have time for foolishness. I was ambitious and driven, and I knew my worth. My goal was to graduate with honors and have a corporate job waiting for me on the other side of that diploma. I’ll never forget when Benjamin raised his hand during the discussion. My dad always told me that your relationship is like a triangle, he said. Before Benjamin and I got married, we went through premarital counseling with our pastor. He asked how we imagined life once we had kids. Benjamin went first and calmly said he saw me staying home with our kids. My head turned so fast! I was working for Home Depot in California at the time. I had the clothes, the look, the expense account. My yes would be to the man he was today and could potentially be for the rest of our lives. Could I commit to this man if he never changed? Thinking you can change another person is foolish. I had been drawn to Benjamin because of his faith, his character, and his priorities. We shared those things on a deep level. In that moment, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, You think you want to own your own company and you can hire a nanny to raise your kids. Say yes to this man, and all will be well. It turned out that marriage was hard work. Looking back, I realize that I was a piece of work. My husband was in the limelight, and I felt like I was competing for recognition. Everything about marriage felt so unfamiliar. We’d dated for years in college, but this was different. We were now living together and trying to do life with each other. Both of us are the oldest in our family, and we’re super prideful, convinced we’re always right. That first year was especially tough. I remember one argument in particular that produced a moment I’ll never forget. Benjamin had these signings around the city where people stood in line to get their picture taken with him or get an autograph. One night I was sitting off to the side, irritated about our most recent tiff, when a woman came up to me. You’re so lucky to be married to Ben! she said. He is so nice! I put on the best fake smile and replied, He is nice. Since we weren’t speaking to each other, nice wasn’t exactly the word I would have used to describe my husband at that moment.