It Can Be Very Healing

I believe that when a relationship ends, many times the energy from the relationship still lives inside of us. The point again is to get it all out and be able to read it back to hopefully gain healing and new perspective. Look into energy healing. If you’re open to that sort of thing, it can be very healing. Ask yourself what is it that you really need from this closure? Is it to forgive yourself for a mistake you made in the relationship? Accept that what is done is done. You are in complete control of your own closure in any situation. You get to decide if you want to torture yourself forever and be a victim of your unclosed circumstance, or do whatever you can to create your own peace in your heart. So, which do you want? How do I find life balance? I used to freak out when my coaching clients would ask me to coach them on this, because I had no freakin’ clue! I myself was constantly searching for it, thinking other women had figured out this life balance thing, and surely I was a failure at life, motherhood, marriage, and everything else because I did not know how to do it. I was chasing an elusive unicorn riding on a double rainbow and I was getting rather tired. Then, one day, I was reading Danielle LaPorte’s blog and she said there is no such thing as life balance. That the quest for life balance is actually bringing us more stress and that we can never get it right. I don’t know any woman that has life balance 100 percent of the time.

White Shadows

And those who say they do are either high on Valium or lying to your face. We are constantly inundated with things to do. Things we should do. Things we need to do to be evolved, Zen, and mellowed out. And with this comes feelings of guilt, and not being enough. So we can accept that a true specific definition of life balance doesn’t exist and just do the best we can, or we can keep trying to look for this proverbial unicorn on the double rainbow and always come up short. Several years ago, I had a mentor who told me she looks at life balance using the metaphor of a cattle dog herding its cattle. All the cows are moving along for a while in order, and then one or two veer off in another direction. The herding dog runs out to nip the outlying cows and gets them back on track. This happens several times and it’s just the nature of the herd. The dog really never knows which cow will run off course or when, but he knows it’s his job to get things back in order so that the entire herd stays safe. It’s never a perfect herd going in one smooth direction.

Never Be Anyone Else But You

Especially if you’re a mom who leads your family, but even if you’re not, chances are you can relate to this. I think once we can let go of life balance needing to look a certain way, therein lies the first step to freedom. Before I begin the how, for the record, I’d like to change the term life balance to striving for some sort of sanity in this mad, mad world. There, that feels better. Let’s go over some ways to make sure you’re in a place of doing the best you can, shall we? That way, you can redefine what life balance is for you, remain flexible within that definition, and go on your merry way. If you’re not honoring most of them on at least a minimal effort, you’re bound to feel completely lost and perhaps in crisis. Check those values, sister. Nothing is going to be balanced or sane if you’re not honoring your values or getting your nonnegotiables. Notice if you’re comparing your life to someone else’s. Chances are, what you’re comparing your life to isn’t reality, but what you see on the outside. You might see glimpses of people’s herds going along smoothly, and somewhere you assume that’s the way it always is for them. So notice if you find yourself lost in someone’s pictures of their smiling kids, their vacation, their awards, and all the glowing, fabulous times.

Keep Moving Forward

Determine what exactly life balance looks and feels like to you. And when you’re clear on that definition, make room for flexibility and some craziness sometimes. Is it one day a week of nothing on your schedule? Is it healthy and open communication with your husband? Make sure he’s on board. These things might be easy to forget because they’re so basic and foundational, right in front of our noses. Let’s all agree to give ourselves and each other a break when it comes to this myth of life balance. I cringed a little when I wrote it. And it’s not like I’m the first person to talk about this. The Internet is riddled with articles about how important failure is for us. Psychologists, scholars, and teachers talk about this regularly. But still, there is something inside us all that has a really hard time with failure. I believe for women, perfectionism and our outward appearance and perception of others often fuels our fear of failure, which is tragic if you think about it. We’re afraid to try something new because we fear people’s opinions of us. When, in reality, those people are probably just as afraid themselves and/or perhaps don’t really care as much as we think they do. Sort of ridiculous, don’t you think? Whether it’s been on a test, a relationship, a business venture, a new idea, Rollerblading, trying to bring thong leotards back in style, anything at all. Think about a specific situation where you’ve failed at. How do you tell the story about it? For instance, let’s say you started a business, used your savings to fund it, and ended up having to close it.