Shake The Feeling Of Wondering

I had made total peace with my body, and so it was more about feeling strong in my body that I was seeking to experience. I had no idea who I had to become to be sharing a stage at an event like that. And in 2019, the invitation arrived and required me to prepare my keynote. Remember when I said that my stomach was a shame that I would carry with me, and tuck into my pants, for nearly eighteen years? When I was onstage in Bali, I could feel my core stomach muscles felt weak, and I experienced back pain from being in high heels for so long. It felt like there was a weak spot in my abdomen that was stopping me from using my voice to its full capacity. The show concept was all about radical transformations. I really tried on that concept and asked myself if it was something that I’d be willing to do. I’d shut down the option in my mind of ever having a tummy tuck, and yet it was coming to my doorstep for free! And then I thought of the implications. Would I really want the world seeing me have a catheter bag that needed to be emptied? I just didn’t want to do that. So I politely declined again. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling of wondering what it would be like to have a flat stomach. What if I could wear a bikini again? And what if I didn’t even have to think about my stomach ever again? The point is that I was tired of wondering what it would be like to have a stomach that felt stronger.

Living In The Material World

I had the money to make the decision, but I felt selfish making that time for myself to invest in the transformation. After this session, I made the empowered decision to move forward with the tummy tuck. I remember lying on the bed before I was going into the operating theater, and they gave me all my medications and took my blood pressure. I was marked up like an essay paper with black Sharpie marker. I can’t look at a Sharpie in the same way again because my doctor marked up all the places where the flesh would be removed from my body. I remember saying goodbye and feeling the sense of how proud of myself I was for making this decision because I felt like I needed to be really brave. When I woke up, I was so drugged. I don’t even really remember getting home. But I do remember that the first couple of days were really, really rough. I had to be on heavy pain meds, and Sean, my amazing husband, was emptying my drains. I mean, this is grisly business. And I felt like I had been hit by a bus.

Seize the Day

I had a walking frame, and it took me over ten minutes to walk to somewhere that would normally take me ten seconds. I’m so glad this was not part of a television show, that’s for sure. It was such an incredible journey of mindfulness and remembering to use my communication effectively. I had to remember that my body would take as long as it needed to recover. I had to watch myself go from being so badly bruised and all stitched up to, day by day, getting a bit better and a bit stronger. I kept saying, I am healed. I am powerful. About a month into my journey, I started using surgical tape to help heal my scar, which ran from one hip to the other. The tape started irritating me, and I started scratching. And this is where it gets a little bit squeamish. What I noticed is that my wound was healing really nicely until it began to open up. My wound opened up in early August.

The Quiet Voice At The End Of The Day

It was incredible until the wound opened up like something from a horror movie. Three holes appeared on my wound. Then there were two other smaller holes that looked like flared nostrils, for want of a better analogy. All I knew was that it looked scary. It looked like you could shine your phone flashlight into my abdomen and see my pancreas. It was ghastly, and it looked nightmarish. There was also an orangey liquid coming out of it, so there was massive risk of infection. To be clear, it wasn’t the surgeon’s fault. It was my own body’s ability to heal. Our bodies react and respond differently, and there’s nothing that you can do to predict this will happen. I used my words to heal my stomach as fast as I could. I feel stronger every day. I went to my plastic surgeon because it looked so freaky, and I was really frightened that I would perhaps get a bad infection. I just wanted to go to the emergency room and get sewn up. You just have to wait it out, said my doctor. I’ve got to be on a stage at an event with Tony Robbins in a few weeks! How can I do this? I pleaded with him. The doctor said it was the same hue as Tropicana Punch. The show must go on, and you have to be prepared to do whatever it takes. It looks scary, but it’s not scary. You just have to be patient. You have to grow the flesh back so it can seal the wound. My doctor was calm and collected. I had to learn to trust my body, and my body was doing everything it could to heal. The weeks flew by, and I went to New Jersey to get on this stage at this incredible event. As I went through the airport scanner, the scan detected an anatomical anomaly in my body because I had these pockets of space in my abdomen in which I could probably have smuggled drugs from state to state or country to country if I’d really wanted to.