Every Day Was Overwhelming

I know from experience that when my mind was in turmoil, so was my home. As a home alignment specialist, I share tools on how to get their homes in alignment to better support all other aspects of their lives. So, if you’re finding yourself in an endless cycle of abuse, repeating the same patterns and experiences again and again, you may have areas of forgiveness to work on. If your decision is to live, then start with reconnecting, forgiving others and yourself, and find the lesson you need to learn, so you can be free. Don’t wait until you’re at your breaking point to choose to live. Save yourself the pain and choose the freedom now. Sabrina teaches the power of forgiveness and reconnecting people to their higher source, so families and the world as a whole, can be free. Picture arms flailing, muscles clenching, and a huge amount of adrenalin while subconsciously calculating which body part is most important to protect. Realizing it was too late and that I was about to go for a ride across the steep, icy parking lot, with lightning speed my mind reviewed the importance of my face, the possible ramifications of a head injury, the stitches that were still holding me together from a major abdominal surgery less than a week before, and the valuable fine instrument that was now sliding across the pavement in my violin case. Sometimes, when you are utterly helpless, it is better to roll with it than fight it. By the following day, I could definitely tell what hurt worst. The sudden response of my entire musculoskeletal system to an imminent disaster left me feeling so sore I could hardly move at all! It was the perfect metaphor for my life, actually.

Holding Back The Years

I had just finished playing the violin in a performance of the Nutcracker, something I did every single year. Every Christmas, I traded my time with my loved ones for a pittance because I needed the money. This particular experience was especially painful because I was recovering from the birth of a child via cesarean section a few days earlier, and I should have been home taking it easy. But I could not afford the time off. Of course, I tried to be tough, but I resented not being free to live the life I wanted. I needed things to change desperately, but I did not know how to stop the train wreck sprawled across the treacherous black ice. Everybody has their stuff, and that includes me! My stuff consisted of all the stories I told over and over, including all the reasons the sweet things I wanted in my life would never be achievable. It included all my beliefs about not being good enough or not being worthy. I was really good at talking about how my stuff was everyone else’s fault and how my life would be perfect once they got their stuff together! I told that stupid story so many times I even had it memorized!! I filled in all the details about not having enough money, having to work five times harder than regular people, not having five extra minutes to take a shower, and having to do everything myself. As you can imagine, I didn’t do any of those things very well because I never slept. My home life was a mess! I was angry at my husband because this was obviously all his fault! Every day was overwhelming because I knew there was no hope for anything better. It was embarrassing.

A Code Of Silence

Eventually, I found myself in deep depression. I wasn’t always like this. I studied music very seriously and participated in competition after competition. Through countless auditions for various programs and events, I regularly came out on top and came to respect myself. I knew what it was like to set my eye on a goal, go after it, and achieve it. Through that process I managed to bring about a vacation to Mexico, a trip to Disneyland, and three cars. This demonstrated to me clearly that I had a power within me to create from my thoughts. But I had somehow forgotten to use that power intentionally. I switched from playing offense and creating on purpose what I wanted, to playing defense with my thoughts, just managing all the negativity in my life. I was so busy putting out fires and crises, one after another, that I completely forgot I could control what I was creating. At this very low point of my life, I knew something had to change! Things could not continue in this path of mediocrity and failure. I knew I was destined for great things! I knew I had a message to share, but I had no idea what it was.

We're In This Together

Worse yet, I no longer felt liked myself, and I wondered where the old me had gone, the me who was used to rocking the world. When I did not know where to turn or what to do, when I no longer recognized myself in the mirror, a miracle happened! At first we thought it would be impossible. He had tried on several other occasions to go back and finish but, for whatever reason, it never worked out. This time was different. He applied, and within two weeks, he was admitted and began classes in earnest. At the time, we had received our second or third foreclosure notice, and I was working endless hours so we could keep our house while still trying to meet the needs of the children. Needless to say, the stress in our home was off the charts, but we had taken on this project of my husband’s education as a family, which helped us to grow closer in the long run. I even attended classes for my husband when he could not due to conflicting schedules. This class literally changed my life as I began to study and remember things I had known before but had somehow forgotten.