I Have Felt Utterly Alone And Consumed By Torturous Grief

The classes kicked off and women start learning how to read and write which brings so much joy to my life as I see the light in those families that this women are bringing along with learning various skills to be independent and support their husbands in bringing up their kids. The final months approached on June 2015, I had to take a break from studies and watched my belly grow but was I still swift and reported to work without any challenge. My baby was due in two days, anxiety knocks and happiness of being a mother. About 5 days gone by and I had no labor pains yet which prompted me to visit my gynecologist to check on my baby and he reassured me that all is well and the baby was in good condition, so we added another week to wait on any signs of baby coming. It took about 5 days and I started feeling labor pains and I rushed to the hospital without further delay. The night was long as I labored through with no luck of delivering daughter. Early morning at around 3.am with had a normal check up by the night shift nurses on my progress and my baby heart bit which she mentioned all is well and I should keep on, I will deliver in a few hours. Unexpected happened 2 hours later, when the nurse came checking on my progress and that of the baby, she seemed frighten and trying so hard to get my baby heart bit. This still did not go well with me and I was still hoping my baby is alive and I am going to hold her soon. It was all too late and I had lost my baby girl through placenta rupture. This couldn’t not be happening, not to us.

A Melt Down

It was only a few minutes later before a nurse wrapped my baby girl in a blanket and let me hold her, her body felt so empty. But I cradled her close to my chest and she felt like my baby. A day at a time, a week at a time, I hoped and prayed I would survive this. The promises of eternal families never meant more to us as a family than it did when we were going through the loss, as we remembered with gratitude the blessings and we will be with our daughter again. During my darkest times, when I have felt utterly alone and consumed by torturous grief, I learned that spiritual experiences are always within our reach. The assurance of good things to come has encouraged my husband and me to walk forward from our daughter’s death, one step at a time. The experiences and the healing journey has continued to strengthen and shaped me to be a person of much gratitude and brought my inner self to work tirelessly to support women in a achieving there dreams in life and finding themselves to be the persons who can offer support to their daughters and protection at all times. Reflecting back to women in the village and the challenges faced by lack of education and hence not included in decision making which adversely affect their daughters pursuing their education gave me strength to find the best ways to support the women and give them skills so that they can regain their confidence and play an important role in their families. The mission of the humanitarian group is to mentor families globally through education and entrepreneurship in an effort to eliminate physical, mental, spiritual and emotional poverty. The connection with the humanitarian team was a blessing to me as we work together to engage women and empower them in finding themselves band playing roles in bringing up their daughters through school. We had a successful training of about 100 women and girls on days for girls and 7 pillars, which were accompanied by emotions as we share our trials and achievements by trainers from across the world. This women speaks to my heart, others being my mother’s age and even as young as 20 years and they have a quest to learn how to read and write and foremost read there bibles.

Breaking Down Barriers

My dream of supporting these wonderful women to go through adult education classes and learn various skills and attend vocational trainings to support their families was still underway. Girl child education was also affected by lack of support with sanitary kits during their most important days of their menstruation and contributed to high school dropped out and early pregnancies. This was something most parents being an African cultural norm did not dare talk to their daughters about menstruation and support they needed. Mothers rarely discussed with their daughters how menstruation days affect them and due to poverty in most families and could not afford to buy the daughters sanitary towels during their menstrual days. These challenges faced by girl child always impelled me to look for opportunities to support women in my village and girls child in their education. My engagements were challenging trying to get people to support me in establishing adult education classes and have women learn how to read and write again. I will share with you how I changed my ways of doing things to be able to achieve my goals and set up classes for adult education. This was followed by numerous requests to potential individuals whom I thought they were in a position to support me in my plight to have adult classes and girl child education classes. One morning as I was contemplating about it and asking Heavenly father to reveal to me how this should happen, I had a strong feeling and guidance on how to approach the issue and within a couple of days, I managed to talk to government official, sharing my intentions to support adult education and my to surprise he was ready to offer me support and have a teacher do adult education teaching for the women. I was not being true to myself.