Skip to main content
I felt like I was living in The Jerry Springer Show. I had only one or two friends in high school, so dating him meant I always had someone to do things with. Unfortunately, the things we did weren’t good things. We got into trouble, sluffed school, and ended up in the principal’s office pretty frequently. I made some bad choices during those years, but I did make it through high school and graduated. However, on the same day as my high school graduation, I found out I was pregnant. That pregnancy was rough and I ended up on bed rest for almost half of it. I was allowed out of bed only to use the bathroom. For months I lay on an old mattress on the floor by myself, because Corey was either working or off doing something stupid. When we got married, I wanted to start being more responsible and make better choices for the precious life that was coming into our home. Corey wanted to continue down the path of irresponsibility. This caused a lot of conflict between us and he started to get physically violent with me. 
How About That
He would have affairs or go out drinking and come home to fight with me about it. We stayed together for seven long years, during which we had two more children. I kept thinking, He’ll change when this happens or when that happens. If only I would be better and kinder, he wouldn’t have to go out and have an affair or get so mad at me. That last year, he started to take his anger out on the kids. Up until then, the violence had only been taken out on me. He would yell at the kids, but he never got physically violent with them. I was so depressed by then, I could hardly function. I had three young children. We were living in a trailer park. My husband was physically and emotionally abusive. He was drinking and going out with other women. Its Never Enough
I wasn’t working because I was home with the three kids. I couldn’t afford daycare for them while I worked. How was I supposed to get out of this situation and create safety for me and my kids? When you close your mind to possibilities, none come to you. When you live your life in fear and scarcity, it promotes more fearfulness. I was so depressed and fearful at this time that I felt as though there weren’t any options. I was going to church and going through the motions of being spiritual. But I didn’t have the faith that my Heavenly Father could help me through what looked to me like an impossible situation. I did pray for a way to get out, though. And that prayer was answered in a really strange way. Thankfully, I had a friend at that time who was open to inspiration. During my time on bed rest, I had gained quite a lot of weight and it bothered me. Those of you who are into nutrition also know that what we feed our bodies really affects our minds. Hold On To This Hope
I was eating a lot of junk food at the time and my depression was out of control. My friend was inspired one day to hang out with me and the kids. She mentioned an eating plan she was using to help her lose weight. She thought I should try it. I could think clearly and my faith started to come back. If Heavenly Father could help me with something small like my weight, perhaps He could help me with something bigger, like saving my family. I prayed every day for inspiration to know what to do. This time I was open to any answers He gave me and had faith that no matter what the answer was, I would be able to accomplish the task. Honestly, the answer I got wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to save my whole family. I never really wanted to leave. But the answer I got was, Leave him. He’s never going to change. In actuality, I kicked him out. Why should I leave our home when he was the one making bad choices? But I was stuck with a house payment, a car payment, credit card debt, three children who weren’t in school yet, and no job. It’s at times like this when you have to do more than just have faith. That way I could stay home with my children and still get some money coming in. Within a year, I had paid off the car and every credit card. Lack of money had been one of the biggest reasons I had stayed all those years. Within a year of acquiring the faith to leave, I had more money than we ever had during our married years. I learned a lot during those years of failed marriage. I learned what I wanted in life and what I didn’t want. I learned about the dangers of fear, insecurity, and doubt. It’s up to me to open the door to receive His inspiration and guidance again. Once I learned that, a world of joy opened up to me and to the thousands of people I teach in the classroom and from the stage. Later on, I met and fell in love with my wonderful husband Joe. We’ve had some amazing years, and we’ve had some hard years just like any marriage has. But I am so grateful for everything that I learned through the seven hard years of my first marriage. I would not be who I am today if I had not learned how to get through the pain and despair I felt back then. About three years ago, Joe and I hit rock bottom. We both lost good jobs within a couple of months of each other, and my daughter Brittany, who has bipolar disorder, had been put on the wrong medication by her doctor and was spiraling out of control.