Types Of Distorted Thinking

To begin, do your best to treat your family member normally, which means making an effort to include her in your usual everyday activities and family and social plans. They have helped many people just like you and her. Because following these suggestions may involve changing how you interact with someone, you might consider trying these approaches one at a time before adding a second and then a third. You will see they often make a difference. Make it clear that you expect her to participate in pleasurable activities as well as share in the daily chores around the house and keep up with responsibilities at school or work. She does not want to feel left out or different because of her illness. Let her be the one to determine if it’s too much to handle. Help her modify her activities as needed, but try not to give her an easy out. If she needs to take a leave of absence from work or school, do your best to treat it as a temporary setback, not a failure. You can expect her to slowly get back on track as her depression lifts. Many people with depression find their moods slowly lift as they make contact with others. This isn’t always the case, however.

Think About It

Some people end up feeling worse after they see friends or family doing well and enjoying their lives. In some cases you may need to set limits on your family member or friend’s daily behavior. This may be difficult for both of you. Try to see that she understands you expect her to abide by the rules of the household or social group. You might even have to encourage her to bathe, style her hair, and wear clean clothes. Since it’s important that a person who has depression not isolate herself from others, try to get her to share dinner each night with the family or social group. In some cases you may also need to set expectations on how she relates with other family members or friends. Depression or bipolar disorder does not give anyone the right to be overly argumentative or demanding of others’ time and patience. You may need to specify boundaries on specific behaviors, curfews, and the use of alcohol and street drugs. You may need to both clearly agree on what time she is expected home every evening and how she spends her free time. This is particularly important for young adults and adolescents. Try to make your expectations clear and stick to them.

This Could Be The One

This can be a source of conflict in some families. If she resists or rebels, your best strategy may be to remain firm. Try to avoid giving in just because of her illness. There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of something better tomorrow. This can be a very powerful message. How do you convey it? One way is to try to keep her plans for the future alive in conversation, even if those plans have to be modified for now. For example, if she has to take a leave of absence from work or school, you could say, I expect that next fall when you get back to work. She may feel encouraged on hearing that you expect she will successfully return to her usual activities. Your goal is to treat displaced plans as temporary setbacks, not failures. If she lacks hope or optimism, try to suggest she borrow hope from someone who cares for her and believes she has potential. That person could be you. You might say, I sense that you don’t feel hopeful about this situation right now, but I do.

Let Somebody Go

Why don’t you let me keep hope alive for you? Through your eyes she may begin to see the possibilities in her life return. It may be difficult for you to maintain a positive, upbeat attitude when you too are struggling and all else seems grim. Next, do your best to set realistic expectations for your family member or friend. Right now she may have to modify her plans and responsibilities. This is often related to the depression and improves for most people. Your family member may feel validated knowing you don’t believe she’s weak or a failure or that she’s lazy or faking it. Try to accept what she can do now and encourage her to stretch her wings as she is able. Realistic optimism is a reasonable view of the future that involves hope and the confidence that things will turn out well, with enough hard work and determination. It means discussing her realistic plans for the future and supporting her efforts to get there. If your family member or friend has had more than one episode of depression in her life, try not to assume she will automatically know how to handle the next one. This isn’t realistic. It often takes a lot of time, effort, and skill working with a mental health professional for someone who has depression to successfully manage her illness. This can be frustrating to you as an observer. Patience and understanding are essential. The next approach is to try to help her confront negative thoughts. It is very common for those who have depression to see themselves and the world through a negative lens they strongly believe is accurate. This means that everything she sees, thinks, and believes automatically has a negative twist or bias to it. They are usually repetitive, not necessarily logical or based on fact, and can seem frustrating from your point of view. You don’t have to fully understand the different types of thought distortions in this list. Just know that they are possibilities and that someone with depression may unintentionally think this way. You may help your family member or friend greatly by gently encouraging her to challenge those negative thought distortions. Some family members fear that talking about it may make things worse, that’s not usually the case.