Begin To Nurture A Better Relationship

What are specific ways that your body communicates insight and wisdom to you and through you? These soulful trinkets help to support my energy and ground my awareness back into the present moment. Over the years, whenever I would have a panic attack, it felt like the walls were closing in all around me. I couldn’t breathe, and my heart would feel as though it were going to jump right out of my chest. I learned how to create spaciousness within meditation. As soon as you close your eyes and breathe deeply, you release even the tiniest fragments of resistance and find your safe space. The more I practiced meditation, the more I felt extremely spacious within and clearer answers would come to me. And it was from this state of spaciousness that I experienced feelings of openness, of trust, and of surrender. This was particularly helpful when I was feeling like I needed answers because I could intentionally guide my experience by turning inward, rather than outward for comfort. Do you feel it in your heart, your gut, or your bones? What excites you the most about embracing your natural gifts of intuition? How can you begin to nurture a better relationship with your intuition? What are some ways that you have been accurate with your hunches and gut instincts over the years? What are signs and symbols that you would feel are messages directly for you from your higher self and the Universe? Have you ever manifested something that you knew was going to happen? Everyone has a comfort zone. Once boundary lines are crossed, feelings of fear can activate. The space outside your comfort zone is supposedly where the magic happens. And it’s so true that the greatest amount of growth happens in direct proportion to the amount of discomfort you experience along the way.

Finding The Right Words To Say

The trouble is that most people don’t feel ready for change, because change is scary. It’s the ultimate fear of the unknown. This is why I love the saying that there are many blessings that reveal themselves in the lessons. I’ve crashed, wiped out, been nearly drowned by the waves, and then picked myself back up consistently more times than I care to count. Each time, I’m a little bit stronger and somewhat better prepared. As an example, I felt so afraid to open my heart up to love again after my first marriage ended. I felt extremely scared that I would never be able to support my children financially and keep a roof over their heads. There have also been times when I was extremely nervous that my business would fail. Every step of the journey, I didn’t feel ready for change. This is usually how I talk myself down from the ledge of my own limitations because ultimately, fear attracts fear. One of my greatest fears was being afraid of my own potential to live life on my own terms. For healing to take place, I knew that I had to venture out of my comfort zone into unexplored realms of emotional responsibility.

Gone, Gone, Gone

We’ve had healing conversations, and even though some of the actions and words are hurtful, we both know that we are not those people anymore. After all the violence we shared, holding on to grudges for one another for years seemed like a waste of life force energy. With that being said, let’s track back a little to how our emotional pain would manifest. I also believe that he knew that I was terrified of being alone because I never had been up until that point. This is how he meticulously tended to plant the seeds of fear and doubt into my mind. Or at least, I was under the impression that he had that power over me to do so. Even if I did one day build up the courage to leave him, he knew I wouldn’t be brave enough to follow through, or even have the heart to stay away for very long because I loved him so much. Our love was as toxic as adding a cupful of nail polish to a green smoothie. You’ll never survive as a single mother out there, Sarah. Our mutual pain was like a twin tornado sweeping through every last saving grace of our relationship. I would tell him he was like a robot and incapable of connection with other human beings on an authentic level. I would tell him he was useless, neglectful, selfish, and unintelligent.

There's Nothing Like A Social Disease

I would belittle him in front of important business colleagues in an attempt to create comic relief at his expense. I would say things like my head could literally be on fire and he wouldn’t notice because he would get so fixated and focused on other things. This was one of the ways that my levels of resentment were manifesting over time. I completely forgot to honor his need as a human being to feel loved and seen as well. It could have been that I’d said something mean. It could have been that my skirt was too short and I looked like a slut. Or it could have been that I was talking to a man for too long and conversing could translate as flirting. I rarely knew the triggers but could bet my bottom dollar that it was something I did or said to set him off. I had no idea how to use my voice and share my opinion. However, as my levels of empowerment and maturity were growing over the years, he became even more withdrawn and more intense with his opinions of who he thought I should be and what I was capable of becoming. In a conversation we had many years later in 2020, he shared with me that we are only capable of what we believe we are capable of achieving. This shows me the immense personal growth and emotional healing he has experienced over the last thirteen plus or so years since we divorced.