To Heal Your Body

In systemic work we sometimes ask participants to bow to those who came before them as a sign of acknowledgment of their place and to show who belongs where in the order of things. How did this affect you and others in your system? Ask yourself, When did this start for me? What was happening in my life at the time? How did/does it affect me? What do I say about this? What words do I use to describe this illness? What choices do I make? What does it allow me to do/stop me from doing? If you are struggling with a health condition, take a moment to write the condition down on a piece of paper and place it on the floor in front of you. To heal your body, it’s important to understand the hints, clues, origins, and makeup of what it is expressing. The examples in the next sections will give you an idea of the systemic approach to exploring and resolving health issues. Please be aware that this is not medical advice but educational and systemic information that can prove useful on your own conscious journey to wellness. Systemically, addiction is generally seen as a matter of belonging, or more accurately, exclusion. I, the perpetrator, hurt myself, the victim. You might want to look for such a pattern in your own life or in someone in your family system. The solution is to give each a place in your heart and not carry them in your body. You are restoring their place and their belonging. The burden is not yours to carry. You have seen what no one else will look at.

Something So Right

Now, it’s time to move forward. It is a slow suicide, and the question must be asked, What is so bad that you cannot look? We might also ask, Who do you wish to follow into absenteeism and death? Alcoholism is known to travel through multiple generations, and often its origins are contained in a large event that could not or would not be looked at. This creates an unconscious loyalty that echoes through the generations. The solution here is to realize that you cannot carry the burden of another, or if it is your own burden, that it serves no one and nothing. Let others, as well as the burden itself, know that you will use it to create something stronger and happier, acknowledging the original creator of the pattern. For example, if your culture was destroyed, instead of walking the path of sorrow and suppression, commit to being the joy and success that newly defines your culture through you. If this happened directly to you, give thanks for a new day and commit to developing thoughts and feelings that are stronger than the ones that hold you prisoner right now. You are strong enough to have developed the first set of thoughts and feelings, which means you are strong enough to put a healthy set of thoughts and feelings into play as well. When you use alcohol to numb out or quiet an overactive nervous system, alcohol can feel like a friend and comforter for a while. But eventually you are going to need to process what got you there, piece by careful piece. This is a systemic journey best taken with a very good systemic guide who can help you to see your limits and walk you through them very slowly, so you disentangle and then build a healthy mind and body, one word, phrase, and feeling at a time. Arthritis often walks into the room as either anger or guilt.

Just Like Starting Over

It’s not always the client’s condition but sometimes inherited. The minute I hear, Arthritis runs in our family, I go looking for who or what created the pattern and how it is echoing through the system. Whether it is guilt or anger, there tends to be a stiffening of the joints, a rigidity, and a tightly held emotion that is not being expressed or processed. Sometimes the event is not spoken of for fear of inflaming the situation, and then the inflammation presents internally. Sometimes this is an issue around belonging, and both the event and the excluded issue need to be processed and given a place to belong in a way that reduces inflammation. Backache and neck ache can occur when we unconsciously refuse to acknowledge those who came before us and/or reject them outright. We stiffen, refusing to be small and bow gently to the flow of life, love, and fulfillment. This can occur as the result of an experience that is a jolt to the system, triggering distrust in the parents. Perhaps they tell the children that boys will inherit the estate and girls won’t, they spent the money that was in your college fund, or they have affairs and you get caught in the middle of them. Being out of order and being above the parents, having to become the parent, or looking down on them can also create an inflexibility that translates to pain in the neck and back. This can also happen when as a child you have to take on a burden that is too big for you, causing stress to your back and neck. The solution here is to look carefully at the burden and see how it has served you, and also to see what part of that burden you can put down.

Stick To Your Guns

Jill had had a backache for years. She’d tried everything medical and was ready to do something different, so she came to an event. We set up a constellation, placing representatives for her mom, her dad, and the backache. I asked her to take her own place in the constellation rather than use a representative. When I asked what had happened, she replied, They completely disrespected the way I was raising my kids. I don’t let them see them anymore. I asked Jill if she might be able to bow to her parents who came before her, and her back stiffened.