You May Be Feeling Hopeless And Trapped

Who else in your family might have felt this way? It, too, is not bad or wrong. It got you this far. But now it’s asking you to resolve its cause and grow. Typically, a pattern trying to rest expresses through symptoms, and these symptoms butt heads with your heart’s desire and point out an imbalance or exclusion in the system that wants to resolve. A constellation can help you to see, feel, embody, and resolve this redundant pattern so you are open and available to create a new one. Laura was the only surviving sibling of seven children, all of whom had died young. She worked hard to be reasonably happy but was often tired and stressed. She said she felt like death warmed up. Her presenting symptom was chronic anxiety that she just couldn’t shake. And her parents called her a hypochondriac because she was always worried about her health, frequently visiting the doctor to find out what was wrong. We set up representatives for her mother, father, herself, and her dead siblings so she could see, feel, and explore the pattern of her anxiety. Her representative sat down next to the other siblings and immediately reported feeling the anxiety and other negative emotions that were typical for Laura.

The Art Of Dying

Like so many other clients with dead siblings or other family members, she had an inner systemic sentence running that said, My dear siblings, if you couldn’t live a full life, how dare I? As well as producing profound anxiety, that kind of sentence can also drag the living sibling into survivor’s guilt. In their hidden loyalty to the ones who didn’t live, they find themselves unable to enjoy a full life. They can start projects perfectly fine, but completing them is scary. It could mean The End. The opposite can also be true, with living siblings doubling down on everything as if they were living life for all the absent siblings. Addressing what drove her to go to the doctor, Laura said she had the distinct sense that something was wrong, but she didn’t quite know what. She needed an answer so she could relax and know she was going to be alright. When did you first become aware of that unease? I asked. Her face changed and she teared up. When I was nine, my neck hurt terribly, she said. It just wouldn’t quit. My parents took me home, and I never had that scan done.

Blue Turns To Grey

As we explored the event, she realized that she had wondered if there was something terribly wrong with her that her parents weren’t telling her, and that she was going to die like her siblings. She didn’t want to worry her mother and father even more, so she kept silent about her fear. Because she hadn’t asked the question she needed to ask or been given an answer that could put the anxiety to rest, she came to her own erroneous conclusion that she wasn’t okay. The pattern of anxiety and the need to go back to the doctor for answers persisted and became a dominant pattern for her. When we placed a representative for the doctor in the constellation, immediately Laura’s representative went over and stood next to him. Laura burst into tears. I keep going to doctors trying to get an answer from that first doctor about my neck problem and find out if I’m going to be okay! That unasked question hadn’t been resolved for her nervous system, creating decades of anxiety. Her terrible symptoms were gold. When she did, the answers were right there in her system. Amazed at how she’d been living out a systemic family issue, Laura quickly moved from being anxious and exhausted to cautiously facing life with enthusiasm. Write down a pattern that is very limiting for you. Some examples include, I am hopeless at keeping a relationship, I’m always short of money, No matter what I do, I am never good enough for my parents, I struggle to get paid what I am worth.

Don't Pass Me By

Speak it out loud. Listen to your words. Notice your feelings and watch your actions, especially if they are dogmatic or idiosyncratic. Write down the exact words you use. Can you connect these symptoms to a particular event? It doesn’t have to be huge to trigger issues and symptoms. Once you identify the unresolved, repetitive, or exclusionary limiting pattern, you can finally see what needs to be seen and then complete it. Remember to thank it for being there as a guide and for having gotten you this far. When I am working with someone, I listen with a lazy ear and watch what’s going on with a lazy eye. Bert Hellinger, the founder of systemic work, called this listening from an empty center. The crux of it is, I watch and listen with pure curiosity and no agenda. I look at body movements and expressions and listen to words, their tone, repetition, emotion, and flavor, because all of that is telling me what lives in a person’s system and how. I wait for something to pique my interest enough to want to take a deeper look. Perhaps there is a hint of a pattern. When a client vents or is unhappy, I am intrigued because I know they are on the brink of seeing a pattern that needs to be recognized and resolved so it can stop. Then I follow that prompt and begin asking questions, exploring in 3D, seeing where the symptoms or issues lead and the pattern that wants to stop. You may be feeling hopeless and trapped. You might tell yourself, I can’t do what I want to do with my life. I do what I have to do to get by. Maybe I’ll just take a nap, then I don’t have to think about it. When did that start? What was happening for you at the time? Was anyone else ever trapped or hopeless? Listen to yourself with a relaxed ear and eye.